Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual: INUYASHA
by Lang Noi
Summary: You are now the proud owner of your very own, fully automated INUYASHA unit. Check inside this handy manual for all you need to know about your dogeared hanyou. OneShot.


INUYASHA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

**_Congratulations!_** You're now the proud owner of your very own half-dog demon. To ensure you get the full value of your _hanyou_, read on:

_Basic Information:_

_Name: Inuyasha (or Mutt/Little Brother/Half-breed/inu-kerro)_

_Date of Manufacture: Approximately 1300 A.D._

_Place of Manufacture: Somewhere in Japan_

_Height: Unit will not stand still long enough to be measured_

_Weight: Light enough_

_Length: Varies_

Your INUYASHA comes with these accessories:

1 red gi

1 red hakama

1 energy-absorbing sheath (only reparable by steel wasps)

1 nearly-indestructible demon fang sword (usually named Tetsusaiga)

1 Infinite Ramen Cup©

1 Endless Potato Chip Bag©

1 can of SHIPPOU-Off© spray

INUYASHA units are grumpy and antisocial when first let out of the box. If you want to speed your dog-eared unit's adjustment to his new environment, have a KAGOME or UNDEAD KIKYOU unit on hand (we do not recommend the second option).

* * *

There are 1,001 uses for a finely tuned INUYASHA unit, here are a few: 

**Bodyguard**: While he may not look it, your INUYASHA unit is a perfect bodyguard with or without his fanglike sword. If those schoolyard bullies are bugging you, sic your INUYASHA unit on them and you'll never see them again! Just make up a good excuse for the FBI when they come snooping out the fight scene…

**Missing Persons Detective**: With that sharper-than-a-bloodhound nose, your INUYASHA can find nearly anyone within seven miles and can track a scent for over a hundred. Open up your own Private Investigators office and rake in the bucks.

**Commercial Wrecking**: This is a given, but when you need something destroyed _now_, your INUYASHA will be more than happy enough to _Kaze no Kizu_ his way through anything. However, don't allow him to destroy suspicious-looking Japanese castles without the assistance of KAGOME, MIROKU, SANGO, SHIPPOU, and KIRARA units.

* * *

An INUYASHA is moody, a little awkward, and oftentimes immature. However, when the time comes he can be a true hero. Your INUYASHA comes with five settings: 

Grumpy (Default)

Thoughtfully Oblivious (Level One lock)

Seriously Ticked Off

Go to Hell!

Total Softie (unit-imposed Level Three lock)

As it is, there is very little difference between the Grumpy and Seriously Ticked Off modes. The one way to tell is that Seriously Ticked Off mode usually happens after prolonged exposure to a SHIPPOU unit or brief interaction with a SESSHOUMARU unit. In Grumpy mode, your INUYASHA unit is less likely to cuss out his companions, though he will still tell everyone (minus KAGOME) to shut up.

Thoughtfully Oblivious is behind a Level One lock because it only occurs on two occasions. The first is shortly after the revival of the UNDEAD KIKYOU unit. INUYASHA will usually snap out of his daze after UNDEAD KIKYOU unit tries to kill your KAGOME and/or tries to drag INUYASHA to Hell for the first time. Then he's back to Grumpy mode. The second occasion occurs right behind INUYASHA's first battle with a NARAKU unit, during which NARAKU escapes after telling INUYASHA troubling news about KIKYOU.

Total Softie is under a self-imposed Level Three lock, because your INUYASHA unit doesn't want to let anyone who can die easily close to him. This mode only occurs after an event in which your KAGOME unit's life is threatened and/or nearly taken. The Total Softie mode has a set time limit – until whenever the nearest SHIPPOU unit interrupts the mood.

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**RELATIONS WITH OTHER UNITS**

**KAGOME**: An arguing/romantic companion with power over him. Your INUYASHA unit will not interact well at first with a KAGOME unit, because she looks so much like the KIKYOU unit. However, this is directly counteracted by the fact that KAGOME units are instantly attracted to the first INUYASHA unit they pet the ears of. With the help of a PRIESTESS KAEDE unit's magic necklace, the two will be well on their way to lifelong friendship, if not much, much more.

**MIROKU**: A lecherous, conniving monk. INUYASHA units are frequently annoyed by a MIROKU unit's behavior towards various, random women, but quickly realize that the MIROKU unit's Wind Tunnel is an invaluable aid in combat.

**SANGO**: A female demon slayer who's not a half-bad fighter. Like most other unit meetings, SANGO and INUYASHA will hit it off all wrong. INUYASHA units are usually blamed for the destruction of a SANGO's home village, while it was actually a scheming NARAKU unit at work. When they uncover the truth, they remain close friends for the rest of their travels.

**SHIPPOU**: What do you think the SHIPPOU Off© spray is for? SHIPPOU units are small and annoy the living daylights out of INUYASHA units with their incessant immaturity. Every other unit thinks they're cute.

**KIRARA**: A fire-cat. INUYASHA and KIRARA will remain allies, though they never develop an attachment beyond companionship.

**NARAKU**: Extremely dangerous unit. Do not allow interaction or there will be dire consequences. If interaction occurs despite precautions, contact the nearest KOUGA or even SESSHOUMARU for rescuing any kidnapped KAGOME units in the case of an indisposed INUYASHA. Call the local Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines/National Guard for dealing with the psychotic threat.

Other Unit Interactions:

**SESSHOUMARU**: INUYASHA's older, stronger, arrogant half-brother. A living emotional Popsicle. INUYASHA units quickly enter Go to Hell mode after prolonged exposure to a SESSHOUMARU unit. While they may start off rocky, a SESSHOUMARU can be a valuable ally when fighting the nearest NARAKU unit. However, a SESSHOUMARU only does this because a) NARAKU tricked him once and b) NARAKU sent a KOHAKU to kidnap and kill SESSHOUMARU's RIN unit.

**KOUGA**: A wolf demon who doesn't know the meaning of 'lay off'. As a rule, KOUGA units are not compatible with your INUYASHA unless the situation involves a kidnapped KAGOME. KOUGA units are always obsessed with the nearest KAGOME unit's safety, unlike an INUYASHA unit, who is sometimes distracted by an UNDEAD KIKYOU unit. KOUGA is also bent on killing the wind sorceress/NARAKU-spawn KAGURA, who killed a majority of his pack and nearly him as well.

**KAGURA**: Though this unit and INUYASHA rarely clash directly, unless the situation involves a HAKUDOUSHI, they will usually try to kill each other on sight.

**KANNA**: An INUYASHA hates every spawn of NARAKU and this soul-sucking witch is no exception. INUYASHA units usually try to kill KANNA units, but due to the latter's tendency to reflect attacks, a resolution seems unlikely.

**TOTOUSAI**: Old fire-breathing demon sword-smith. INUYASHA units quickly become annoyed with TOTOUSAI units, but never kill them because the Tetsusaiga breaks periodically and TOTOUSAI are the only ones who can fix them.

**MYOUGA**: Stupid flea. _All_ units will squash MYOUGA units.

* * *

**MAINTENANCE**

Cleaning:

Your INUYASHA unit, despite coming from a long-lost time period, has had frequent exposure to the wonders of the 21st century. Have a KAGOME or LITTLE BRO SOUTA on hand and watch him go (not literally. He'll probably kill peeping…vixens? Eh.). INUYASHA will not take kindly to anyone getting _that_ close to him unless it's a KAGOME or LITTLE BRO SOUTA.

Energy:

With his Infinite Ramen Cup© and Endless Potato Chip Bag©, your INUYASHA is pretty much set. Make sure to supplement the limited diet with roast beef, water, and…well, dietary supplements for fiber, vitamin A, etc. When hungry enough, INUYASHA will even eat vegetables, though it is not recommended that you wait that long.

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**FAQ**

Q: My INUYASHA unit isn't friendly with my KAGOME unit at all! He says rude things and makes her 'sit' him! Why is this?

A: In case you forgot, INUYASHA and KAGOME units fight more often than they make peace. INUYASHA is always rude, so you and your KAGOME will have to put up with it. If you really can't stand their bickering, borrow an UNDEAD KIKYOU unit from a friend and once she leaves, however briefly, your INUYASHA will be as silent as need be (though if you have a SHIPPOU unit, the calm is short-lived).

Q: I want my INUYASHA and my UNDEAD KIKYOU unit to get along better, but all she wants to do is drag him to Hell! How do I make their relationship better?

A: This isn't a conflict that can be resolved easily. Send your KIKYOU away after telling her who really killed her (Any NARAKU unit can take the heat for this). She'll be back in a while, and if you have a SESSHOUMARU handy, he may just bring her back to life. Note: After this, do not let either get a hand on the Shikon Jewel, as it sparked the debate in the first place.

Q: Instead of getting a white-haired, dog-eared, cat-eyed, red-wearing half-demon in the mail, I got a little girl with silver hair, bat ears, and a glowing rock. What gives?

A: Someone seriously screwed up your order. That's a SHIORI unit, a half bat demon who can put up a very strong barrier. If you want your INUYASHA unit, send her back and we'll give you your INUYASHA unit free of charge.

* * *

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

Problem: Your INUYASHA unit can't get through a NARAKU unit's barrier and is furious.

Solution: Send him to a village in the mountains where there are giant bat demons. Locate the SHIORI unit within the swarm and destroy her glowing barrier-generator. This gives him access to the Red Tetsusaiga ability, which lets him mow down any and all pesky barriers.

Problem: Your INUYASHA unit is teased because of his really long white hair and is furious.

Solution: Ignore or have him beat up the teasers. Long hair on _bishounen_ is cool!

Problem: Your INUYASHA is horrified that your KAGOME unit almost died when he was supposed to be protecting her and is – surprise! – depressed.

Solution: Get a SANGO unit to talk to the KAGOME, while have your MIROKU unit try to sort out your INUYASHA. If all else fails, though it rarely does, a bit of surprising advice can fly forth from a SESSHOUMARU unit. If worst comes to worst, get a borrowed RENKOTSU unit to attack where the KAGOME is recovering – that will make your INUYASHA come to the rescue, completely forgetting every other issue.

* * *

Your INUYASHA, provided he has not run into any NARAKU or UNDEAD KIKYOU units, will live a full life. Most likely, he'll outlive you by several hundred years. Like the SESSHOUMARU unit, he'll be fine as long as he doesn't piss off the local government, particularly if that government had nuclear warheads. Therefore, we feel it is unnecessary to provide a warranty. 


End file.
